So i got to chaperone a 14 yr olds party….

A pretty funny experiance… i remember when i was 14 i was just experimenting with booze and girls ect. Each party i went to at that age was a new experiance. So anyway my friends sister was having a gathering to party and we were asked to chaperone it… I quite liked the idea of bossing people about whilst also being the cool older person. I think i pulled it off pretty well with my new jumper i bought that day.

So mr responsible (my friend cough cough simon) decided to buy the little youngsters a 24 pack of carling and a litres bottle of vodka plus alchopops on top of what they brought. So 2 minutes in and we realise that all the little kids were too fucked. By this time however i was off my face so fucked if i cared. However simon manage to confiscate alot of alchohol to save the day. So MORE ALCHOHOL FOR ME WOOP!

So after that little incident i had alot more alchohol and got more drunk whcih was fun. So aftert about a hour of the party all the 14 yr olds had drunk enough to become overly confident/too drunk. One of them kindly explained to us how she had had sex in the toilet. SHES FUCKING 14 WHAT DO THEY GET UP TO NOW ADAYS!?!? So anyway as they got more confident it became more of a good idea to them to flirt with the older guys which was amusing/annoying after a while. We kinda just walked off after a while but they followed so we walked off again.It was pretty funny.

Anyway the party finished at 11 and i remember some of the youngens being pretty fucked so i wonder what their parents thought of the whole deal. I wish i could of remembered but i had taken it to be my responsibilty to drink as much as i could so they couldnt get their hands on it and injure themselves heroic ehh?

Hope you liked the update.

Ps if your 14 and looking for a responsible chaperone i charge um 10£ per hour or 2 litres of vodka for the full night.

- James xx

Aids for the disabled!

Wow well i dont know how to phrase this post except roflcoptor. Someone decided to name their shop that sells helping devices ‘aids for the disabled’ . The shop is situated in southhampten , near the university and it does exackly what it says on the tin.

I mean havnt they been through enough without needing to get aids? thats just rubbing it in right?

Anyway if you liked this group join their facebook group here

If you enjoyed this article make sure you check out one of our funniest sketches weight gain

Thanks

James xxx

Holiday Report

So the holiday started with me being in a club and girls just came and kissed my cheek like so :

Well no that didnt happen but its a cool photo eh? Btw cheers emily and laura for doing that for me!

So anyway the holiday obviously started on the plane with me doing a few thumbs up cause that is how i do!

And abit of pointing on the plane :

so then the plane was like 1hr 30 mins

then we got in the taxi which proceded with even more thumbs up:

Okay so then the taxi was like 2 hrs, we got back and just slept.

Next day we hit the slopes WOOP! Ski hire was like 100 euros and lift pass for the week was about 150 euros so it was all adding up.

The snow was awesome and the sun was roasting so we got a good day of skiing in. I was slowly learning the ropes again because i hadnt skied for like 3 yrs but i got the hang pretty quick. Nick on the other hand (one of the guys i was with) was alot worse than me whichhelped me to slip under the rubbish skier radar unknoticed.

The skiing was awesome and there were little cafes at the bottom of every stage (top middle bottom) to eat and such.

Nick managed to remind us that wherever he was he can always look like a retard in pictures even with ski equipment on:

No guesses for which one nick was.

Its ashame i dont have any pictures of the appartment we stayed in but i do have one of the balcony:

.

was a beautiful veiw. Okay so nthats pretty much the skieing pictuces. To sum up the skieing i got better and was ready for blacks by the end of the holiday. O ye and i fell over only once because CLARKE WAS RACING ME AND BLOODY PUSHED ME OVER BECAUSE I WAS BEATING HIM.

So the nightlife…. Well the first night we went out and discovered that there was a new bear in town! Calsberg elephant. If you guys havnt heard of it its pretty much like normal bear except its 7.2% alchohol!!! SO first night we hit the town and got mashed.

Im pretty sure that will sum up how wasted i was that first night. SO anyway after we hit a couple of bars and drunk ALOT of elephant everyone was mashed. So we went to the local club…. shouldnt have! We went there and he said that we needed membership to get in which was rubbish because we had been their before. It turned out we were too drunk to get in but he didnt tell us that  so we thought he was just being racist. SO clarke took it on himself to kick the door. The bouncer then came out and kicked me in the stomach… apparently i fell over but i cant remember it i was mashed. So that set it all off, i had no idea what was going on. Nick and clarke were trying to push a dumpster down the stairs to block the club door. Harry was shouting abuse at the bouncer, and called the police. So at this point nick clarke and simon left. Me and harry stayed for the police. i obviously cant speak french so the report we filed pretty much consisted of harry chatting to them and i just stood there looking stupid cause i was fucked and couldnt understand shit… well we didnt follow up on the statement because there was no point in it and couldnt be bothered to in the morning.

Um the rest of the nights were less eventful. We met a random drunken tramp in a bar pretty funny :

he probably doesnt even know were taking a photo. The food was great there and so were the restaurants. We had WAY WAY WAY too much cheese because we had like pizza cheese fondue and more pizza. What can in say french cheese is good man.

Last night the others went out but me and simon made the most awesome sanwiche ever – it cost us 4 euros each and was the most awesome sandwiche in the world:

so thats pretty much the whole holiday there. Hopefully u enjoyed reading my dribble. But i had a good time so thats all that matters right?.

-James xxx

Back from holidays

This is just a quick update….

havnt got pictures back from the holiday so cant blog it yet. it was good though. Just to give you a taster of thwat the holiday was like il tell you one fact about it. On day one me and my friends managed to get banned from the only club in the valley, complain to the police and consider chucking a dumster at the club. Brilliant eh?

anyway il hassle my friends for pictures and then il blog it.

Next sketch btw im thinking of using a montage cause they are always funny.

-James xxx

The week in words

Well, since James has gone to a better place it is down to Alan and myself to provide the adoring fan with some kind of random comment.

My week has been pretty wierd. Two random horses ran down my road and started eating the grass off everyone’s lawn. Then the other day I had a two hour debate about what I would rather be, a rabbit or a hamster. We all know who’s side I was on.

Also, how crap would it be if you were a mayfly and the day you were alive was really wet and windy and you couldnt go outside. It would be pretty like it having raining for your entire life. That would not be cool.

I also discovered that on my phone I filmed the first few creative moments of everyone’s favourite sketch ‘Fat Rape’ with James, Alan and myself on the stairs discussing its potential. Don’t worry, it’ll be on the DVD.

Today I got my hair cut, a bit. My hair was my brain.

From all at the Slyhamster team we wish you a very happy Easter. (watch your drink, fat rape happens)

Alex xxx

Holiday woop!

right well im going on holiday with the ‘gang’ for a week to france for some serious skiing action. Im not sure if alan or alex will bother to update this blog with random stuff so mayb no new posts for a week. But expect a well good one when we come back from our holiday cause all im going to do on holiday is plan my next blog post.

Anyways il have loads of pictures from ski-ing and you guys have to vote on whoes picture is happyer because alan has this really happy skiing picture (happiest picture ive ever seen YET) and im going to beat the happyness this holiday. So for the mayb one or two people that read this blog, peace for a week.

Make sure you get drunk and do fun stuff BUT DONT have a better time than me.

-James x

April fools party…

So yesterday i was playing a spot of tennis and while we were playing i was told that somone was having a april fools party. Now first of all why would you celebrate april fools? i dunno. But it got me thinking… next year i think im going to throw a fake april fools party in a field and just let people turn up and its all empty and stuff. Abit harsh? i dont think so its april fools you gotta wise up!

 

so this brings me onto my next topic nicely. First of all i have this wierd thing that whenever i have a camera infront of me i seem to have to do somthing with my hands so most picture are me pointing at me people of objects, it doesnt make me cool i dont know why i do it

Anyway last night i got drunk…. with mates of course . we played some tennis getting drunk then went to the pub then came back to mmine and played poker drunk. THAT WAS A MISTAKE. Luckily i had withdrawn over 200$ in poker the other day so i was only playing with around 40$ but i lost it all. I did get it up to 100$ but that wasnt enough for me was it, i continued to gamble and lost. DONT DRINK AND PLAY thats a warning to ya.

Just a side note my friend jon brown told me that when he was 17 he spent 30£ on a fancy dress outfit he turned up and no one had dressed up. Thats everyones worst nightmare, maybe il use that in a sketch.

-Cheers for reading

James

New sketch – Photocopy

Okay well we put one last sketch together before our 5 week hiatus(sp?) because we are now on easter holiday and not near each other!

The link to the sketch is here

It was put together on the last day of term but i still think it is a very good sketch.

* Just a note the kid in real life ended up with conjuctivitus and not what i end up with!

But please vote and comment on youtube!

Thanks

-James

First post

Okay so lets break this blog down mofos. This blog is for our rambling and site updates which means the news page will become this page ya get me?

Heres a picture to start the blog off:

 NEWS:

we have a new sketch made and finished alan just needs to get his ass into gear and upload it.

RANDOM THOUGHTS: 

Right well recently ive found out that i think its funny to greif myself when im drunk i do this by setting my watch back a hour when im so drunk i know i wont remember doing this. Im sure this is very amusing to myself at the time but when i wake up in the morning a hour late for classes its not as funny. Ive done this to myself like 3 times and i caught myself doing it on friday night because i remember doing it and thinking thiss will be funny when i wake up. WELL IT WASNT.

-James